Although the Heavenly Dao seemed to have temporarily crashed, the underlying logic sustaining the Primordial Chaos still barely functioned. When the day of Hongjun's originally scheduled second lecture arrived, an unseen summons still drove mighty figures from all corners of the Primordial Chaos toward the Purple Heaven Palace Beyond the Thirty-Three Heavens.
This time, the lineup was far grander and more formal than the first.
Besides the Three Pure Ones, Nuwa, Jieyin, Zhunti, Di Jun, Taiyi, Xi He, and Chang Xi—who had already taken up permanent residence in the Purple Heaven Palace and treated it like an internet café plus rehabilitation center—as well as the newly appointed consultant Wangshu, many mighty figures who had remained on the fence last time, considered themselves too important, or had been frightened off by the absurd rumors about the first lecture also emerged from seclusion and arrived with complicated, uneasy feelings.
The Twelve Ancestral Witches arrived together, their baleful aura surging so fiercely that even the Chaos Qi around the Purple Heaven Palace churned without end. Empress Houtu looked at this familiar "entertainment complex," her eyes filled with mixed emotions and a trace of habitual helplessness. Great Immortal Zhen Yuanzi entered the palace gates with a grave expression, holding the Book of Earth and accompanied by the two Daoist attendants Qing Feng Ming Yue. Old Ancestor Minghe rode in atop towering waves of blood, only to be stopped at the gate by a formation demanding, "Please present your health code." He had no choice but to suppress all his blood aura before being allowed inside. Kunpeng, Hong Yun, King Father of the East, Queen Mother of the West—with curiosity and wariness in her eyes—and one renowned mighty figure after another all appeared.
Most of them had prepared themselves mentally. No matter how unreliable this Dao Ancestor might be, for the path to Quasi-Saint, they would endure it!
Yet when they truly entered the main hall of the Purple Heaven Palace, the sight before them still shook their Dao hearts and shattered their worldviews!
The anticipated Daoist sanctuary filled with endless auspicious signs and naturally formed Dao intent was nowhere to be seen. In its place stood an enormous, remodeled "super conference hall"!
Above the hall hung a banner strung together from beads of innate spiritual treasures, its crooked glowing words reading: "Purple Heaven Palace Second Quasi-Saint Advancement Training Course and Team-Building Mobilization Meeting." In the center of the hall, there were no Meditation Cushions. Instead, rows upon rows of... beanbag sofas and massage chairs modified from Enlightenment Tea Trees filled the space! Beside every seat stood a small tea table holding a fruit platter of sliced nine-thousand-year peaches, Chaos Spirit Spring soda, and a gaudily covered copy of The Path of the Quasi-Saint—From Beginner to Giving Up (Dao Ancestor's Selected Notes). The walls around the hall no longer bore Dao patterns, but giant crystal screens scrolling bizarre slogans such as "Overworking harms your Dao path; slacking off is justice," and "As long as you've got the guts, the Dao Ancestor can take maternity leave." From backstage came faint sounds of KTV-style wailing and howling—Jieyin and Zhunti warming up—and mahjong tiles being shuffled—the Three Pure Ones battling atop the Forbidden City.
The mighty figures: "..." We came here to hear the Great Dao of the Primordial Origin! Not to attend some company annual meeting!
"Silence! Silence!" Xiao Kuang's voice boomed across the hall through a horn-shaped spiritual treasure equipped with amplification and echo effects.
He wore a floral shirt and baggy shorts woven from rosy clouds, with flip-flops on his feet—all manifested from spiritual treasures, yet offensively ugly in appearance. A stalk of Heart-Clearing Grass dangled from his mouth like a cigarette as he sprawled lazily in the largest massage chair on the dais, while the chair buzzed as it kneaded his back.
"Welcome, new and old students. Find a place and flop down. If there aren't enough seats, stand in the back and listen, or bring your own Meditation Cushion. This training course is all about keeping things relaxed and enjoyable, rejecting anxiety, and opposing overwork!"
The newly arrived mighty figures' mouths twitched wildly. They felt like they had not come to the Purple Heaven Palace at all, but some demonic cult's hideout.
Wangshu sat quietly in a corner not far from Xiao Kuang, on a cold jade Meditation Cushion that had automatically condensed beneath her. It stood completely at odds with the surrounding beanbag sofas. Her face was calm as still water, her gaze cold and clear, and she had resolved to see exactly what absurdity this fellow could come up with. Xi He and Chang Xi stood nervously behind her, hardly daring to breathe.
"Alright, enough nonsense. Let's start class!" Xiao Kuang patted the table before him. A small wooden gavel lay atop it; he picked it up, tapped it, and said, "Class begins!"
All the mighty figures, including old hands like the Three Pure Ones, immediately perked up. Forcibly ignoring the discomfort brought by their surroundings, they pricked up their ears and prepared to listen to the supreme Great Dao. Even Wangshu focused slightly.
Xiao Kuang cleared his throat, picked up From Beginner to Giving Up, opened it to the first page, and began to read.
"There are three paths to the Quasi-Saint. First: Prove Dao by Strength. It is the hardest, has the best rewards, and is not recommended because it works you like a dog. Second: attain Dao by severing the Three Corpses. This is currently the mainstream path. It is complicated, requires innate spiritual treasures, and costs money. Third: attain sainthood through merit. Simple, quick, cost-effective, and highly recommended. As long as you have enough Merit Points, even a sow can climb a tree... Ahem, I mean, anyone can become a Saint."
The mighty figures: "???" What the hell was that supposed to mean? A sow climbing a tree? Dao Ancestor, were you serious?!
Xiao Kuang completely ignored the deathly silence below the stage and the Dao hearts shattered all over the floor as he continued reading. "Next, we will focus on severing the Three Corpses. The so-called Three Corpses are good thoughts, evil thoughts, and self-attachment. Severing them requires an innate spiritual treasure to bear them... Ah, speaking of spiritual treasures..." He suddenly put down the book, his eyes lighting up. "I see lots of new faces down there. What good stuff did you all bring? Split half with me, how about it? My Purple Heaven Palace supports Merit Points and spiritual-treasure collateral loans. The interest is reasonable..."
"Dao Ancestor!" Laozi could no longer endure it and interrupted. "Please focus on the true words of the Great Dao!"
"Oh, right, right. Teaching, teaching." Xiao Kuang reluctantly withdrew his gaze from Old Ancestor Minghe's Yuantu Abi Sword and picked up the book again.
"As for the specific steps of severing the corpses, the book says, 'Comprehend the Heavenly Dao, understand your heart and see your nature, find a suitable treasure, and sever it'... Isn't that just nonsense? It says nothing at all. My personal advice is not to make it so troublesome. Just find a spiritual treasure you like the look of, think hard about all its bad points until it disgusts you, and maybe your Evil Corpse will come out. Think about its good points until you cry, and your Good Corpse might come out too. As for the Self Corpse, get yourself drunk until you black out, and maybe you'll sever it..."
The mighty figures below were no longer merely twitching at the mouth. Their entire bodies were trembling! What kind of crooked demonic method was this?! Dao Ancestor, were you teaching them to destroy their own Dao foundations?!
Sect Master Tongtian wore an eager expression that said, "I've learned it, I've learned it." Primordial Lord of Heaven's face turned livid, and he wanted nothing more than to immediately purge his sect. Empress Nuwa covered her forehead with one hand, unable to bear the sight. Jieyin and Zhunti took notes while considering which spiritual wine would work best for getting drunk.
The newly arrived mighty figures were even more thunderstruck. They began seriously wondering whether they had come to the wrong place. Was this really the Dao Ancestor? Even Demon Ancestor Luohu had not been this unreliable!
Wangshu's brows had drawn tightly together. The temperature around her plummeted, and frost began to spread across the ground. The way she looked at Xiao Kuang had shifted from confusion to the look one gave an idiot.
Xiao Kuang's mouth had gone dry from all the reading. He picked up his soda, took a huge gulp, burped, and continued, "In short, all roads lead to Rome... Uh, I mean, to the Primordial Origin. Don't be anxious, and don't compare yourselves with others. Your assignment for this training course is to go back and try severing your corpses. Next class, share your experiences and insights. It doesn't matter if you can't sever them. At the next team-building event, we'll organize a boat trip on the Blood Sea or a barbecue on the Sun Star. Relax a little, and maybe inspiration will come..."
"Now we enter the free-question session! Anyone got questions? If not, meeting adjourned! The internet café next door just got several new machines, and their specs are insane!"
The hall fell deathly silent.
All the newly arrived mighty figures seemed to have had their souls leave their bodies.
This was... the path of the Quasi-Saint? This was... the Dao Ancestor's lecture? Heavenly Dao! The Primordial Chaos was doomed!
At that moment, Old Ancestor Minghe abruptly stood up. His blood-red eyes were filled with suppressed rage and frustration as he pointed at Xiao Kuang, his voice trembling. "Dao Ancestor! What... what kind of Dao is this that you are teaching?! Treating it so childishly, are you not misleading our Dao paths?! We have sincerely come seeking Dao. How can you toy with us like this?!"
Everyone's eyes instantly focused on Minghe.
Xiao Kuang blinked at Minghe, then suddenly smiled. "Oh? You think what I taught was wrong?" Minghe forced himself to reply, "Forgive my bluntness, but it is complete nonsense!" "Excellent!" Xiao Kuang slapped his thigh. "You dare question authority. Your courage is commendable! Your reward is to stay after class and help me clean the Purple Heaven Palace toilets for three months! Experience life and start from the grassroots. It'll benefit your corpse severance!"
Old Ancestor Minghe: "???" I #￥%...!
Pfft—someone could not hold back their laughter first. Then the hall erupted with suppressed laughter and the sounds of people coughing up blood.
The second lecture thus came to a "perfect" conclusion amid chaos, shattered worldviews, and the Heavenly Dao continuing to play dead.
Only Xiao Kuang nodded in satisfaction, deeply pleased with his "teaching results." "Class dismissed! We need one more for a five-man team at the internet café. Hurry up!"
Before you continue