Mad love

A little earlier.

Commissioner Gordon arrived at a dentist's office, clutching his cheek. He completely failed to notice that rearranging the letters of the dentist's name on the doorplate would spell "JOKER."

Once Gordon entered the office, the dentist told him to lie back in the dental chair while he sorted his tools nearby.

Gordon sensed nothing amiss, but the moment he sat down, he felt a party popper go off beneath his backside. Streamers appeared out of nowhere and bound him tight.

"Hahahaha..." The dentist flashed a deranged grin, slipped an arm around the nurse, and struck a classic waltz pose.

Removing his mask, the dentist revealed his true face. It was none other than Gotham City's Clown Prince of Crime—Joker.

"Commissioner Gordon, how about I use this drill to put a hole in your head?" Holding the dental drill, Joker danced toward Gordon with bizarre little steps.

"How about no, Joker? Your plans are getting less creative by the day." A Batarang knocked the drill from his hand, and Batman's scornful voice rang out. "You broke out of prison for something this boring? I'm disappointed."

"What did you say?" Batman's words struck a nerve. Joker pulled a party popper from his pocket and hurled it at him.

But Batman reacted faster. He grabbed a set of dentures and threw them at Joker's hand, where they clamped down hard.

The two grappled, Joker tossing out bizarre gadgets now and then, only for Batman to counter every one.

"Ha! Batman, try this!" Harley Quinn seized her chance, crept up behind Batman, and knocked him unconscious with a single blow of her hammer.

Before Harley could let out a triumphant cackle, Joker grabbed her face in a vicious grip. "What are you doing?"

"Puddin'... I just wanted to help..." Harley flinched at his outburst.

"Who asked you to help? You think I can't handle this bat-brain?" Furious, Joker grabbed Harley by her jester's cap. "We're leaving!"

"Aren't we going to kill him?" Harley asked.

"Shut up!" Joker dragged Harley along. "I'm going to give Batman the most entertaining death at the grandest spectacle imaginable! Nothing less would be worthy of an unparalleled criminal genius like me!"

"Oh, Puddin'..."

Roland quietly climbed through the window, untied the streamers around Commissioner Gordon, then checked Batman's breathing.

"I'm fine." Batman stood up.

"You scared me." Roland asked curiously, "What are you planning this time?"

"I planted trackers on them," Batman said. "I'm heading out."

"That guy..." Roland pursed his lips.

"Maybe he wants to help Harleen Quinzel," Commissioner Gordon said.

"Harley Quinn?" Roland shook his head. "I wouldn't hold my breath. Women in love can't be reasoned with."

"She used to be an excellent nurse..." Commissioner Gordon sighed regretfully.

"Until she fell for some green-haired guy. What a tragedy," Roland said. "Arkham Asylum is something else, too. Why lock these people up there instead of executing them once they're caught?"

"That involves certain issues with the law and corruption."

"What a hassle." Roland suddenly recalled some details from the lore. If Batman killed Joker, wouldn't he become The Batman Who Laughs?

If that was the case, leaving things as they were would be better.

"By the way, how's your tooth?" Roland asked.

"...Do you think Joker would fix my tooth while he was kidnapping me?" Commissioner Gordon held his cheek. "After this, though, I really don't want to see a dentist."

"Fair enough." Roland brushed off the dust he'd picked up on his climb. "I'm heading home. I only came out for a walk, but I got to catch quite a show."

"Wait, how did you get up here?" Commissioner Gordon froze. "This is the fourth floor."

"I climbed up the outside wall." Roland walked out the door. "I'm pretty good at rock climbing, too."

Gordon had no idea what to say. After a brief silence, he offered, "I drove here. Want me to give you a ride home?"

"Sure."

Funny Bone Airlines.

"No, these plans are all too unoriginal!" Joker crumpled up the drawing he'd just finished and threw it away, clutching his head in frustration.

"Puddin', don't you want to take your Harley for a ride?" Harley climbed onto the desk and struck a seductive pose, beckoning to him.

"Don't bother me." Joker clearly wasn't in the mood for sex. His head was full of Batman.

Batman's mockery of his boring schemes had dealt him a crushing blow today. Joker had to create a more spectacular trap to even the score.

"What if I created a gas that let me control everyone at a birthday party, then dressed Batman up as a birthday cake and made them eat him while they laughed?" Joker mused. "No, too unoriginal."

"Throw Batman into a pool and have a hundred piranhas smile as they tear him apart?"

"Dress Gordon up as a clown and have him kill Batman?"

"No... no..." Joker crouched on the floor in dejection. "None of them are good enough..."

"Puddin'..." Harley Quinn wrapped her arms around Joker, trying to comfort him, but he mercilessly flung her away.

Harley landed in the indoor pool. Though there were no piranhas in it, the icy water still doused almost all her burning enthusiasm.

Harley crouched on the floor, racking her brains.

She decided to devise an ingenious trap for Batman herself and show Joker just how charming she could be.

Meanwhile, two people outside the door were watching her every move.

"Tsk, tsk. Joker actually managed to resist that. He really is deeply in love with you." Roland marveled.

"What are you doing here?" Batman frowned.

"Everyone loves gossip. I'm no exception." Roland looked at Harley. "Tsk, tsk. What a foolish girl."

"You just came to watch the show?"

"Yep."

"Then would you be willing to do me a favor?" Batman asked Roland. "It'll make the show even better."

"Oh? What have you got in mind?" Roland's interest perked up. "You're not asking me to seduce Harley, are you? Isn't that a little wrong?"

"No. I wouldn't give you a job you obviously couldn't pull off," Batman said.

"What's that supposed to mean? Am I worse than that green-haired guy?" Roland demanded angrily.

"Let's stick to business." A barely perceptible smile crossed Batman's face. "In a little while, you do this... then this..."

"Oh, oh..." Roland's eyes lit up. "You've really got a knack for this. Is this how you usually trick girls? No wonder they call you Gotham City's number one playboy."

"Don't be ridiculous." Batman still looked a little uneasy. "And don't let Harley charm you into telling her my real identity."