I Smoke, Drink, and Get Perms, but I'm a Good Priest

"Well..." Roland fell silent for a moment. "That's the situation. Is there any way to do it without meeting those requirements?"

"I'm a lawyer, not a mage. Do you think I grant wishes?" Harvey laughed despite himself.

"So there's no other way?"

"Sure. Do it yourself on the sly." Harvey thought for a moment and dropped two sugar cubes into his coffee. "But I should warn you: renovating an existing building requires a building permit. Without one, you can't start construction. It would be illegal."

"...Breaking the law in Gotham City doesn't seem like that big a deal." Roland gave the idea serious thought.

"Hey!" Gordon nearly spat out his coffee. "Are you sure you want to say that in front of a police captain and the district attorney?"

"What else am I supposed to do..." Roland fretted.

"I have another suggestion. Ask someone from the Church for help," Harvey said. "Assuming they don't take one look at you and perform an exorcism first."

"Is it really that bad...?"

"What do you think?" Gordon glanced at Roland.

"I may smoke, drink, and get perms, but I know I'm a good priest," Roland declared with a righteous look. "Those Church people look respectable on the outside, but for all we know, they're secretly getting their hands on little boys."

"You'd better hope no priest from the Church hears you say that. He might pull out a Glock and get his hands on you."

The three chatted a while longer, and Gordon and Harvey took the chance to give their frayed nerves a rest.

"I'm off. I still need to see a doctor later." Gordon cupped his cheek. "This toothache... I can't put it off any longer."

"Then why are you eating so many sweets?" Harvey picked up a macaron. "Even with coffee, this thing's too rich."

"Sweets help relieve stress. I recommend you have some too."

"I'll pass." Harvey shook his head.

"All right, I'm heading out. See you tomorrow, if nothing happens tonight." Gordon put on his coat and left, paying for the coffee and taking a sandwich to go.

"I should get going too." Harvey felt as though something had been off with his mental state lately. He decided to see his therapist and his girlfriend, Gilda, that evening.

"Okay." Roland felt as though he had only come along for a free coffee.

"You should still ask a reliable church about your project," Harvey reminded him. "You don't want the land bureau noticing it and tearing the place down."

"Right..."

After parting ways with them, Roland returned to the church. From a distance, he saw a crowd of homeless people heading toward it.

"Boss, you're back!" A child ran out to greet Roland. "We brought the homeless people from around here over for a meal."

"Nice." Roland grinned. "Do we have enough food?"

"We've still got six hundred pounds of flour in the kitchen. There's definitely enough."

"Good. The ladies who can cook will have to put in some extra work today." Roland walked into the kitchen, where several women in their forties and fifties were preparing food.

They were unemployed women from the East End whom Jason had paid to work there as cooks.

"Boss, there are a lot of people today. We're having trouble keeping up."

"It doesn't need to be fancy. Just make enough to fill their stomachs," Roland said. "I wasn't planning to serve anything special anyway. There'll be plenty of bread and oatmeal."

"Got it."

Roland directed the homeless people to collect their food in order. He was run off his feet, but Goodwill Value kept pouring in.

[Goodwill Value +8]

[Goodwill Value +12]

[Goodwill Value +6]

[Goodwill Value +11]

Then he heard someone say, "Isn't the Eucharist supposed to be the Lord's flesh and blood? Why is there only bread? Where's the red wine?"

"Hey, do I look like red wine to you? This is all there is. Eat it or get lost!" Seeing someone push his luck, Roland looked up and snapped at him.

But when he saw who stood before him, he froze. "What are you doing here? Didn't you have somewhere to be?"

It was Harvey Dent. In his immaculate, tailored suit, he looked completely out of place.

"Oh, I was going to see my doctor tonight, but she had something else to take care of. I decided to go for a walk and happened to end up here," Harvey explained. "I didn't realize you were doing such good work with your charity."

"Of course I am." Roland left Jason to oversee the food distribution and sat down with Harvey to talk.

"I thought you wanted to renovate this church to make money. I didn't realize you really wanted to help more people," Harvey said. "Tell you what—give me a few days. I'll see if I can sort out the permit issue for you."

"Thank you." Roland's eyes lit up.

"No need. It's no trouble..."

While they were enjoying their conversation, a commotion broke out where Jason was handing out food.

A homeless man had made a scene because the bread he'd been given was smaller than everyone else's. By the time Roland and Harvey rushed over, the man had grabbed the child serving food and slapped him.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Roland swore. But before he could act, Harvey, his face twisted with rage, reached the homeless man first and stomped on his face.

Harvey then kicked the man in the mouth as he lay on the ground, knocking out several of his teeth.

"Wait, that's..." Roland had been about to intervene himself, but Harvey's reaction startled him. He hurried to stop him. "That's enough..."

Harvey was still cursing. Everyone in the room was frightened by the sight of him, and those who recognized him from television began whispering among themselves.

Roland sensed trouble. He had a few children pull Harvey aside, then addressed the crowd. "Nothing happened just now. If anyone goes around telling stories, they'll end up like that guy on the floor."

Then Roland had a few people carry the unconscious homeless man outside.

"Boss, District Attorney Harvey left. What do we do?"

"He'll be fine. Keep an eye on the people coming for free food. Don't let them spread word of what happened today." Roland sighed quietly. The memory of Harvey's behavior left him uneasy.

He's not about to become Two-Face, is he...?

"Huh? Boss, what did you say?"

"Nothing. Get back to work." Roland left the church and lit a cigarette. He drew the sharp taste of nicotine into his lungs, feeling its jolt.

He slowly exhaled a stream of white smoke as ash sifted from the tip of his cigarette.

Roland walked a little farther. A commotion suddenly rose nearby, and after sending out Kamaitachi to investigate, his expression shifted from grave to strange.

"Batman's humiliating Joker? What kind of weird roleplay is this?"