The Guilty Wife

"Harvey..." Bruce had changed into his Batman suit and was making his way through the streets and alleys of Gotham City, stopping crimes while thinking about Harvey's problems.

But this was the sort of problem a person had to resolve himself. Nobody else could do much to help. Batman thought about it for a long time without coming up with a suitable solution.

Batman stopped several crimes and only returned to the Batcave as dawn began to break. After taking some time to rest, he checked the calendar. March was almost over, and he would soon have another very troublesome opponent to deal with.

April 1. April Fools' Day.

Batman had no doubt that Joker would come out to stir up trouble on that day, even if he currently seemed to be behaving himself in Arkham Asylum.

After all, in a sense, April Fools' Day was Joker's own personal holiday. Like a birthday, it only came once a year, so naturally he would want to pull off something special on such an unusual day.

Compared with whatever twisted stunt Joker might pull, the Holiday Killer striking that day was like a long-married couple going through the motions in bed. It sounded exciting to inexperienced virgins, but the participants were already thoroughly bored.

Shaking that bizarre analogy out of his head, Batman picked up the coffee Alfred had brewed, took a sip, and sank into thought.

The church.

"April Fools' Day is almost here again," Roland muttered, looking at the calendar.

"What are we selling for April Fools' Day?" Jason asked. "Realistic retractable knives? Spring-loaded snakes in chip cans? Motorized fake spiders? Or all of the above?"

"I'll take them al... no, that's not what I meant." Roland shook his head. "I'm worried Joker might come out and cause trouble on a day like April Fools'."

"Oh, right..." Jason leaned against the wall. "Joker probably won't pass up the occasion. The question is how far the fallout will spread."

"We'll deal with that when the time comes. We've still got plenty of days left," Roland said. "We'll stock up the day before and sell some stuff, then stay out of it on April first."

"Sure." Jason made an OK sign.

"All right, let's go. I noticed we're running low on vegetables in the kitchen. Let's buy some."

"Don't we have someone who handles the shopping for the kitchen?" Jason asked, puzzled.

"Oh, you mean that lady? I caught her taking kickbacks on the groceries, so I told her to get lost yesterday," Roland said irritably. "The nerve of her, trying that crap on me."

"Unbelievable."

"So for now, I'll have to do it myself," Roland said. He got into a pickup truck and drove toward a market on the outskirts of the city.

"I'm taking my right with destiny, willing to play my part."

"Living with painful memories."

"Loving with all my heart."

"Made in heaven, made in heaven..."

Roland turned on the radio, and a powerful song rang out.

It was the title track from Made in Heaven, an album by the British rock band Queen, and a true curtain call for their lead singer, Freddie Mercury. The song brimmed with emotion, stirring both of them as they rode along.

"Written in the stars... written in the stars..." Roland hummed along with the radio, paying little attention to the road. While waiting at an intersection, he failed to move when the light turned green, prompting the cars behind him to honk.

Knowing he was in the wrong, Roland ignored the curses from behind and quietly drove through the intersection.

But one driver refused to let it go and pulled his sedan in front of Roland's pickup to cut him off. Neither vehicle gave way, and they nearly collided several times.

"FUCK!" Roland pulled up beside the sedan's driver-side window and swore at the man inside. But just as he was about to unleash another tirade, he recognized the driver.

Harvey glared at Roland with a savage expression. Once he got a clear look at Roland's face, however, he gave him a demonstration of China's traditional art of face-changing.

"Where are you off to...?"

"I'm picking up supplies. We're almost out of vegetables in the kitchen." Roland patted the pickup's bed. "I'm planning to bring back a big load this time. What about you? Don't you have work at this hour?"

"Ah... I'm... I've got something else to take care of..." Harvey stammered, his face flushing bright red. "Uh... I'm in a bit of a hurry... I'd better go. Let's talk next time."

With that, Harvey got into his car. He stalled twice before getting it started, and even the way he drove off had the air of a panicked retreat.

"Something's off..." Roland stroked his chin. "On a scale of one to ten, that's a twelve."

"What's off?" Jason asked curiously.

"Harvey's acting really strange," Roland said thoughtfully. "Why does he seem so guilty?"

"Guilty?" Jason considered it. "I guess he does, a little."

"Exactly. Like a married woman facing her clueless husband right after her boss threatened her with, 'Ma'am, you wouldn't want to lose this job, would you?'"

"...Why are you so gifted at analogies? You just rattle off those convoluted sentences," Jason couldn't help quipping. "So what are you going to do next?"

"Let's follow him and see." Roland released his Kamaitachi, tracking Harvey's car from a distance while listening carefully to the sounds coming from his end.

Naturally, that left Jason with the driving.

As a professional car thief, Jason certainly knew how to drive. He tailed Harvey's car without losing him or being spotted.

"Hmm, there's some noise in the car now." Roland used Kamaitachi to pick up the sounds around Harvey, his expression growing stranger by the moment.

Harvey received a phone call. When he saw the number, his expression filled with anger and fear. He let it ring for a while before answering.

"Hello there, District Attorney Harvey. What took you so long to answer my call?" A flippant voice came from the other end.

"Gh... cut the crap. What exactly do you want?"

"Heh heh heh... District Attorney Harvey, I just want us to be 'friends.' There's no need to get so worked up."

"Hmph... I have no interest in anything that disgusting."

"Oh, really?" The sound of pages turning came over the line. "Perhaps you'll change your mind after hearing this..."

"Name: Harvey 'Apollo' Dent. Sex: male. Age..."

"DSM-5 depression diagnosis: A1. Unusual perceptual experiences, including bodily illusions. A2. Odd thinking and speech. A3. Paranoid ideation."

"The patient's mental status evaluation reveals several abnormalities. Self-report scales indicate that the patient has some awareness of his own violent tendencies."

"The patient believes he has been treated unfairly—suspiciousness, paranoia, bordering on delusion. He has experienced brief visual and auditory hallucinations under stress and in a half-asleep state."

"Diagnosis: schizotypal personality disorder."