Spring Autumn Sausage

[That year, you grew busy, roaming far and wide to extend your reach across all of Douluo Star.]

[The process was long, even dangerous, but you needed to leave yourself some safeguards.]

[After fully accepting all authority over wind on Douluo Star, you felt an immense weight settle on your shoulders. You bore it, but you did not know how long you could hold out.]

[You were only a Soul Scholar. Seizing authority over Douluo Star with the strength of a single Soul Scholar was far too difficult. Even though the winds were more willing to heed your commands, the Plane Will's pressure forced you to relinquish two-thirds of that authority.]

[The remaining third was neither too much nor too little. It was just enough.]

[By the time you finished, more than half a year had passed. When you returned home, the one who greeted you was neither Ah Yin nor the Snow Empress, but the Ice Empress.]

[The Ice Empress held out a sausage and urged you to eat it. You looked at the Spring Autumn Sausage's production date—year 4250, month 13, day −29—then at its expiration date—year −250, month 0.1, day 72. You fell silent.]

[You tore open the Spring Autumn Sausage's wrapper and stuffed it straight into the Ice Empress's mouth for her to eat herself.]

[After eating the Spring Autumn Sausage, the Ice Empress's smooth, fair skin turned green, then black, then red... Seven colors cycled across her body. Watching her evolve into a Prismatic Soul Beast, you regretted not having a Master Ball.]

[Once the Ice Empress had fully digested the Spring Autumn Sausage, her head grew pointy, turning triangular.]

[You had no antidote. All you could do was watch helplessly as the Ice Empress evolved into a prismatic triangle-head.]

[When Ah Yin and the Snow Empress saw the evolved Ice Empress, they searched for the Spring Autumn Cicada they had made with poison a few days earlier. They could not find it. Looking at the Ice Empress again, both breathed a shaken sigh of relief.]

[Ah Yin and the Snow Empress had intended to use that Spring Autumn Sausage to drug you so they could sleep with you while you were unconscious. But they had gotten the recipe wrong, producing the effects now visible on the Ice Empress.]

[After learning the whole story from the clone you had hidden at home, you rewarded the Snow Empress and Ah Yin with a Ming's Fatherly Headpat, followed by a sound spanking. You ordered them to restore the Ice Empress to normal, or they could forget about ever getting another Ming's Fatherly Headpat.]

[After the Ming's Fatherly Headpat, the Snow Empress and Ah Yin, who had planned to bluff their way through, suddenly saw things clearly.]

[Without wasting another thought, the two tried fighting poison with poison and made another Spring Autumn Sausage for the Ice Empress.]

[Good news: the Ice Empress stopped changing color after eating the second Spring Autumn Sausage. Bad news: she shrank from roughly 1.4 or 1.5 meters tall to 1.2 meters, and her skin stayed multicolored.]

[Seeing that she was now shorter than Ah Yin, the shrunken Ice Empress promptly acted out dying of rage.]

[To make amends, Ah Yin and the Snow Empress developed Spring Autumn Sausage version 1.03 and fed it to her. Good news: the Ice Empress's skin returned to normal. Bad news: she shrank to one meter tall.]

[You held the one-meter-tall Ice Empress and could not get enough of her. This actually seemed rather nice, though she did seem a little dazed and dim-witted.]

[Seeing you transfer your affections to the Ice Empress, Ah Yin and the Snow Empress developed yet another formula, Spring Autumn Sausage version 1.04, intending to restore her to normal.]

[While you were out on business, they had the Ice Empress eat Spring Autumn Sausage version 1.04. First bit of bad news: it did not make her grow taller. Second bit of bad news: it upgraded her A-cups to C-cups.]

[When you returned, you were even more taken with the Ice Empress, now both small and well-endowed. Still dazed and dim-witted, she did not resist your touch. Instead, she clung to you.]

[Ah Yin and the Snow Empress were furious. After version 1.04, they leaped several versions ahead and created Spring Autumn Sausage version 1.12.]

[This time, their hard work paid off. Ah Yin and the Snow Empress finally succeeded in restoring the Ice Empress to normal.]

[Her wits returned along with her body. Whenever the Ice Empress remembered you kissing her, hugging her, and lifting her high into the air, she flushed with embarrassment and anger. Yet the memory of your Ming's Fatherly Headpat left her wanting more.]

[Ah Yin and the Snow Empress had successfully made themselves a rival in love. You did not mind. No matter how chaotic your harem became, the trouble could never truly reach you. You could not do anything in that department anyway; kissing, hugging, and lifting someone up were as far as it would go.]

[In the thirteenth year of the simulation, Tang San and Xiao Wu attended Blue Tyrant Academy. With the Asura God's help, they met the gay trio—Dai Mubai, Ma Hongjun, and Oscar—as well as Ning Rongrong and Zhu Zhuqing.]

[When Zhu Zhuqing learned that her fiancé had become gay, she did not believe it at first. Then she saw Dai Mubai leave a male escort club with a cute young man under one arm and a handsome young man under the other, heading off to a hotel.]

[Dai Mubai was still promiscuous by nature. Your training had taken away his desire for women, but it had successfully given him a different sort of interest in men.]

[Among this generation of the Shrek Seven Devils at Blue Tyrant Academy, only Tang San and Xiao Wu could still be called relatively normal.]

[You thought that was quite good. It was a little hard on the eyes, but you would rather those three gay men kept things among themselves than went around bothering young women.]

[At Tang San's invitation, you came to Blue Tyrant Academy as an assistant instructor. Ah Yin, the Snow Empress, and the Ice Empress also moved from Nuoding City to a home near the academy in Heaven Dou City.]

[You met Liu Erlong and Flender. You gave Flender a Ming's Fatherly Headpat, and he immediately dropped to his knees and called you his godfather.]

[Liu Erlong was baffled. She thought you had used some sort of sorcery. You then showed her what it was like to be unable to land a hit, only for her to discover, once she finally did, that you were actually a close-combat mage.]

[You beat Liu Erlong black and blue, then gave her a Ming's Fatherly Headpat. Her gaze cleared at once.]

["Senior, could you pat my head again? That felt so good." Liu Erlong's body still ached, but the bottleneck that had troubled her for years had miraculously broken.]

[You remained silent for a long while, standing with your back to Liu Erlong and Flender and your hands clasped behind you. You held up seven fingers. Liu Erlong misunderstood what you meant. "Senior, if you want to fight me seven more times, I'd be delighted. I only hope you'll hit harder and pat my head afterward."]

[Your beating had awakened something remarkable in Liu Erlong. Shocked and baffled, you wondered if the world had gone mad. Liu Erlong was actually a masochist.]

[What you had meant was that you could only pat her head again in a week—seven days.]