Aokiji's Rules for Making Friends

After Tsunade had flattered Aokiji to his satisfaction, he finally relented with a benevolent, fatherly smile. "Go on, what is it, Little Gang..."

Little Gang...

Tsunade's eye twitched slightly. Suppressing every cell in her body that wanted to beat someone up, she forced a smile and patted his chest. "That must have hurt just now."

Aokiji pushed his luck, grinning shamelessly. "A little. How about you massage my chest for me?"

Tsunade had reached her limit and blurted out, "Don't push your luck. You want me to rub your chest? Dream on. It'd be more like you rubbing mine, uh..."

"Uh... okay."

Aokiji immediately seized on her words—then got flipped over.

"Go die twice, you pervert."

Tsunade's cheeks were so hot they were practically smoking. What the hell had she just been babbling without thinking? She wanted to crawl into a hole and hide.

This time, Aokiji's chest really did hurt, as though someone had just smashed a boulder on it. He stopped joking around. "What exactly did you want to tell me?"

The flush had not fully faded from Tsunade's face. She casually flicked her fingernail. "It's nothing major. Let me sign a contract with your Summoned Beast too."

Aokiji's eyes widened in disbelief, as if he were saying, How could you even ask that? "Huh? What are you talking about? Fox Spirit is my most important companion!"

"Master..."

Fox Spirit had seen it all. She had never expected that this was how her master saw her.

Sure enough, her master still loved her.

Although he usually acted as if he found her annoying, he had never shortchanged her when it came to food, drink, or fun. She secretly swore that she would serve her master well from now on.

Tsunade bit her lower lip. She knew she was being unreasonable, but...

"You have to pay."

Fox Spirit was a mess.

Tsunade was a mess.

"What do you mean, 'huh'? Don't tell me you expect to get a Summoned Beast from me for free without paying anything."

Aokiji waved a hand, jabbed his index finger at her, and righteously berated her, "Damn it, I never thought you were this kind of person. I misjudged you, Tsunade."

Though she was utterly baffled by the scolding, Tsunade quickly snapped out of it and turned delighted. "How much?"

She was fairly well-off. She received quite a lot in New Year's money every year, all of which was kept by her mother. Her mother said she was afraid Tsunade would waste it on "gambling" and would give it to her when she had a reasonable need. And this was clearly a reasonable time.

Aokiji answered without hesitation, "Ten million ryo."

Tsunade's smile instantly froze. "Why don't you just rob me?"

He knew exactly what ten million ryo meant. It was enough for him and Grandpa to spend a long time going all-in at the casino, watching the dealer deal cards online for ages.

Aokiji copied a penguin, his expression changing. "No money, and you still have the nerve to bring this up?"

"How vulgar."

Tsunade tried to condemn Aokiji on moral grounds and make him feel guilty so she could achieve her goal. Little did she know that Aokiji did not fall for that at all. "Yeah, yeah, I'm just a guy who likes vulgar things. Especially money. Money is a great thing."

Since the soft approach had failed, Tsunade decided to get tough. With a swish, she drew a Shuriken. "Would you like to find out whether my Shuriken is sharp?"

Aokiji understood Tsunade. Her temper was fiery, but she knew her limits. For example, drawing a Shuriken now was most likely just meant to scare him into backing down.

Aokiji had evidence for this judgment. In all the time he had spent with Tsunade, he had hardly ever seen her use a Shuriken. If a problem could be solved with her fists, she used her fists. If one punch was not enough, then she threw another.

According to her, she seemed to enjoy the satisfying feeling of fists striking flesh. Who knew who she had inherited that fondness for brawling from?

Aokiji found Tsunade's unruly demeanor amusing, so he decided to banter with her. With a swish, he drew a Shuriken too, craned his neck, and matched her momentum. "My Shuriken may be sharp as well."

For a moment, they stood at daggers drawn, on the verge of actually fighting. Jiraiya could not stand watching any longer and spoke up to dissuade them. "Are you two serious? You're actually going to fight?"

Those words gave Tsunade a perfect way out. She put away her Shuriken and spoke indifferently. "You're making a fuss over nothing. It's not like we were really going to fight."

Aokiji followed up, "Jiraiya, you really don't understand Tsunade at all. When have you ever seen her use a Shuriken? And you graduated in the same team as her."

With that, he formed hand seals with both hands and released the Summoning Jutsu, turning into a puff of White smoke. He had more or less achieved his purpose of showing off his pet.

Tsunade looked reluctant, but she could only give up resentfully.

If Aokiji would not give it to her, she could not exactly steal it.

Jiraiya suddenly understood. "That's true."

He could hardly remember ever seeing Tsunade use a Shuriken. The Shuriken she carried were more like decorations.

"You do understand Tsunade pretty well," he remarked.

Aokiji sighed helplessly. "Who do you think I am? I cook for her all the time. I'm her cook—no, her cook-dad. I know perfectly well whether she likes sweets or spicy food."

Tsunade: ...

In fact, Aokiji did not only cook for Tsunade. He often cooked for Orochimaru and Jiraiya too.

Orochimaru and Jiraiya were both orphans, and no one at home cooked for them, so they often came to Aokiji's house to mooch meals.

Of course, it was not free. The three of them had to pay for meals or bring ingredients.

Cooking was certainly Aokiji's hobby, but he was not generous enough to let the three of them eat and drink for free.

Aokiji smiled. "Well, forget it. The house is too quiet, after all. Sometimes I do like having more people around. It feels livelier that way. Whether it's Tsunade, Jiraiya, or Orochimaru, I'm quite happy whenever they come to my house and give me the honor."

Tsunade felt a little embarrassed. She was not used to Aokiji suddenly speaking so seriously. It sounded almost like a confession, and she stumbled over her words. "W-What's with that? Saying something like that out of nowhere is kind of embarrassing. If you don't like being alone, why not make more friends?"

After spending time together, Tsunade had realized that Aokiji was actually quite easy to get along with. She just did not know why he seemed to have so few friends. Counting the three of them, there did not seem to be many.

"Because I'm afraid of dying."

"Afraid of dying?"

Tsunade was deeply confused. What did inviting classmates over to his house have to do with being afraid of dying? Aokiji continued, "More accurately, I'm afraid my classmates will die. I'll be sad."

That only made Tsunade more confused. "You always only say half of what you mean. Can't you just finish it all at once?"

How else am I supposed to seem cool...

Aokiji sighed. "The students in our class will all become ninja after graduation, assuming nothing unexpected happens."

"What's the problem with that?"

"The problem is huge. Ninja is a high-risk profession. It would not be strange if one day you died in some remote corner and there was not even anyone to collect your body.

"People are creatures who seek profit and avoid harm. Since I know that, I'll do everything I can to avoid becoming too emotionally attached to my classmates. That way, even if I unfortunately receive news of their deaths someday, I won't be sad. To me, they'll only be passing strangers in a long life. I'll still eat, drink, and sleep until dawn."

Orochimaru's pupils trembled slightly. Aokiji's words had practically voiced his innermost thoughts.

He understood them deeply. That was exactly what he had once thought, and exactly what he had done.

Orochimaru did not like talking, and he kept strangers at a distance, but he had not been born that way. He simply did not want to experience the pain of loss again.

Sure enough, only Lord Aokiji could reach the deepest part of Orochimaru's soul.

Orochimaru sighed sincerely to himself.

Tsunade did not understand. "But according to what you said, gaining something means losing it. Then why did you become friends with me, Jiraiya, and Orochimaru?"

Aokiji sighed. "Because I'm human..."