A Certain Scientific Naruto

A shut-in received three lottery draws and one chance to travel to another world from the God of Shut-Ins. With absurdly good luck, he drew an E-rank skin, an A-rank skill, and an S-rank talent. So, in accordance with the law of conservation of "power versus danger," he was sent to the world of Naruto.

Suppose a cell can extract one joule of energy per unit of time. A ninja has 130 trillion cells and an average mental power of 100. Each C-rank jutsu consumes chakra equivalent to 3.6 × 10⁶ × 100 joules of energy, plus 10 points of mental power. A ninja's mental power and cellular energy each recover by 10% per hour. Now answer the following questions:

Why wasn't the First Hokage very bright?

Why did Obito go mad for love?

Why was Rock Lee so relentlessly upbeat?

Why was Naruto's Talk no Jutsu the strongest?

How did Tsunade maintain her bust size?

This is a story that attempts to solve the unsolved mysteries of Naruto through science. Or something like that.