Catching Pigs

Buhara's stomach let out a thunderous growl.

The entire testing ground heard it. Before the applicants could react, he scratched his head and gave a sheepish smile. "I haven't eaten anything since this morning."

In the distance, Satotz put a hand to his forehead.

Menchi folded her arms, her mouth turning down. "The second test is cooking."

Buhara stepped forward and licked his lips. "Your assignment is to roast a whole pig. Your ingredients are Great-Nosed Wild Boars roaming free in Visca Forest Park. Use the cooking equipment here to prepare one for me. If I eat my fill, you pass."

One applicant raised a hand. "How will we be judged?"

Buhara grinned. "As long as it tastes good."

Menchi rolled her eyes beside him. "He says any meat tastes good."

The applicants exchanged glances. Then they all charged into the forest.

Satotz stayed where he was, watching the crowd pour into the trees as he started his timer. His wooden clogs clicked once, then stopped. He turned toward a corner of the testing ground. One applicant still hadn't moved. Saitama stood there looking down, picking at a speck of dust on his T-shirt sleeve with two fingers.

"...Aren't you going?" Satotz asked.

Saitama looked up, saw the examiner watching him, then glanced back at the speck on his sleeve.

"In a second. This won't come off."

Satotz fell silent for a few seconds, then turned and walked away. The sound of his clogs faded.

Saitama picked at it a few more times before giving up. He raised his head. Pig squeals and shouts rose and fell from the forest.

"Forget it. I'll catch a pig first." He shook out his hand and headed into the trees.

The forest was a mess.

Several applicants had scrambled up trees to escape the Great-Nosed Wild Boars, their legs still trembling. "This pig's meaner than the cows back home!" a short applicant shouted, shaking. Below him, a boar slammed its nose into the trunk again and again. Within moments, a huge crack split the wood.

Gon kicked off a tree trunk, flipped backward, and landed squarely on a boar's back. He clamped his legs around its belly and gripped its bristles with both hands. The boar thrashed wildly, snapping a shrub as thick as a bowl. Gon bounced up and down, but his grip never loosened. He drove his knee into the weak spot on its forehead and pressed down hard. The boar's head sank into the dirt. Its grunts grew muffled, then stopped.

He looked up just in time to see a Great-Nosed Wild Boar chasing Leorio around a tree. Mud covered Leorio's face, and his sunglasses sat crooked on his forehead.

"Leorio! Its weak spot is its forehead!" Gon shouted, pointing between his own eyebrows. "That huge nose grew to protect it! When it charges, dodge to the side, grab its head from there, and push down!"

On his third lap around the tree, Leorio heard him and cursed over his shoulder as he ran. "Easy—for you to say—this damn pig won't give me a chance to turn—aaaah, here it comes again!"

The boar charged him again. Leorio squeezed his eyes shut, gritted his teeth, and threw himself left. He rolled past its tusks by a hair and slammed his back into the tree. Unable to turn in time, the boar smashed its nose into the trunk, shaking the whole tree. It shook its head, dazed—and that was the opening. Leorio lunged in from the side, locked his elbow around its forehead, and hung on. The boar bucked desperately, but he refused to let go.

"You make it sound so easy—but this actually works!" he shouted through clenched teeth.

Still perched on his own boar, Gon grinned. "Right?"

After throwing Leorio around seven or eight times, the boar finally wore itself out and collapsed, panting. Leorio lay beside it, his sunglasses in the mud and his arms still shaking. But he kept muttering, "I'm—a hunter, after all—"

Laughter came from above. Killua sat on a branch, swinging his legs with half a chocolate bar in his hand. He glanced at Leorio gasping on the ground, then at the boar still grunting beside him. He popped the chocolate into his mouth, jumped down, and landed neatly on the boar's back. Before it could react, a kunai pressed against the weak spot on its forehead.

Killua wiped the kunai clean, kept eating his chocolate, and glanced at Leorio on the ground.

"Not done yet?"

Leorio wanted to snap back, but he was too out of breath.

Elsewhere, Kurapika didn't dodge. He stood in front of a tree and calmly waited for a Great-Nosed Wild Boar to charge. When it came within three meters, he slipped aside as lightly as a page turning. The boar couldn't stop. It crashed headfirst into the trunk with a dull crack.

Kurapika crouched to inspect its nasal bone. "No obvious fracture. I can carry it back as is."

Hanzo ran around a large tree, the sound of hooves tearing through dirt growing closer. At the roots, he suddenly darted left. The boar couldn't turn and rammed headfirst into the trunk. Thud! The tree shook, and the boar fell to the ground, seeing stars.

"There, there. Good pig. Better to get it over with." He hoisted the boar onto his shoulder, patted its belly, and glanced off to one side. Another Great-Nosed Wild Boar was charging at Hisoka.

A playing card flashed. The boar fell three paces short of him.

Hisoka put away the card, grabbed the boar by a hind leg, and headed back, carrying it like a rabbit. His gaze settled on Gon, who was holding a boar's head not far away, and the corner of his mouth lifted.

Saitama entered the forest.

He had just stepped over an exposed root when something stirred ahead. A giant boar, even bigger than the other Great-Nosed Wild Boars, burst from the undergrowth. Its eyes were bloodred, its huge nose snorted, and its hooves tore up the mud as it charged straight at him.

The applicants nearby quickly cleared a path. Hanzo, with a boar on his shoulder, turned and was about to shout something when he closed his mouth. He remembered the Imitation Bird that had changed course and flown away on its own in the thick fog.

The giant boar bore down on Saitama. Its hooves flung up mud as high as his thighs, and its massive nose drove toward his chest.

Saitama sighed.

He lowered the hand he had been using to pick at the dust, raised the other, and gently pressed it against the boar's head.

The boar stopped.

Its four hooves gouged deep furrows in the mud, spraying muck onto an applicant's pant leg three meters away. Its squeal caught in its throat. That one hand held its entire body motionless.

The boar heaved upward with all its strength. Saitama's hand didn't budge. It tried again. Still nothing. A short, muffled grunt escaped its nose, and its legs gradually lost their strength.

Saitama looked down at it. The boar blinked, its eyes fading from bloodred to dark brown. Profound confusion filled its gaze. It snorted, wrinkled its wet nose, and let out a tiny whine like a puppy whose collar had been tugged.

"You were charging pretty hard a moment ago," Saitama said.

The boar nudged his fingers with its nose. There was no aggression in it. It just nudged them and grunted.

Saitama sized up the boar. This one was big enough. Last month, pork belly had gone on sale at the supermarket. By the time he arrived, it had sold out, and he'd managed to get only a small piece of tenderloin. Genos had said beside him, "Teacher, meat is expensive." Right. Meat was expensive. This boar would last at least a week.

"Yeah, this'll do."

He lifted the boar with one hand, swung it onto his shoulder, and turned back. After two steps, he stopped and set it down. He bent to pick up a nearby vine, then tied its four legs together in pairs, exactly the way he bundled green onions at the supermarket. Once it was tied, he hoisted the boar back onto his shoulder. There. That was secure.

Hanzo couldn't help calling out, "Why'd you tie it up with a vine?"

"That's how the supermarkets do it where I live."

Hanzo opened his mouth, then closed it again.

Gon waved from his boar's back. "Saitama! How'd you catch one so fast?"

"It charged at me."

Gon tilted his head and thought for a moment. "Why?"

"Maybe I looked easy to hit."

Gon didn't think that sounded quite right, but he couldn't say why, so he just grinned. He pressed his knee harder against the boar's head. "Leorio—remember what I said—once you've got its head, push it to the side!"

From beneath another tree came Leorio's muffled reply. "You've almost shouted my pig's head right off—ow! It hit me again!" A dull thump came from that direction, followed by Leorio's voice. "Wait, I think I almost had it that time. Let's go again—don't worry about me—have you tied yours up yet?"

Saitama didn't get a chance to answer. Behind him, the undergrowth shook wildly.