Kids, have you ever seen golden dog shit? I mean that literally: a pile of dog shit made of gold.
Su Ming felt this world was beyond saving. What kind of crap did the lord of Vast Sea City keep in his treasury? A toilet, a chamber pot, dog shit... Would golden horse piss be next?
In the end, Su Ming decided to plant Ah Yin in the Golden Toilet for now.
He used the wind to break up the soil until it was soft and loose, moved it into the Golden Toilet, then planted Ah Yin inside.
"Done. Nice handiwork." Su Ming clapped his hands, pleased with his masterpiece. But looking at Ah Yin planted in the Golden Toilet made him feel the urge to pee.
Wait, what am I thinking? How could I do something so shameless? Fertilizing Ah Yin would be like cuckolding Su Wu, wouldn't it?
Then again, that's not right either. This Ah Yin has nothing to do with Su Wu. And I'd only be peeing to fertilize her. That should be fine, right? Urine contains plenty of organic compounds that are good for plants.
The more Su Ming thought about it, the more he wanted to take a piss. Fortunately, his brain got control of his other head in time, and that sudden stream never fell.
Ah Yin was still asleep. She had no idea Su Ming had nearly fertilized her a moment ago. In her dreams, she and Su Ming were living happily ever after.
Su Ming took Ah Yin home, then considered what else he had left to do.
Counting on his fingers, Su Ming muttered, "First, kill the headmaster of Nuoding Academy. Done. Second, steal Tang Hao's wife's Soul Bone. Done. Third, avenge Dugu Bo... Right. I nearly forgot something that important."
Su Ming thought about how best to deal with Yu Xiaogang. Given Yu Xiaogang's current situation, he was unlikely to end up with Little Scumbag. He was still a eunuch, after all, not a woman. Surely Little Scumbag wouldn't awaken some Bashu Tang Sect trait and become more than friends with Yu Xiaogang.
After some thought, Su Ming decided he should start with someone close to Tang San. And who was closer than that hundred-thousand-year-old rogue rabbit? If Xiao Wu pulled a knife on Tang San while they were getting intimate, what expression would Little Scumbag make?
"No, no. How did I get sidetracked again? I was supposed to be thinking about Gangzi." Ever since seeing that last Simulation, Su Ming had felt an inexplicable aversion to Yu Xiaogang. What decent person got together with his disciple's lover, especially when she already had a family?
Wait. What was the relationship between Liu Erlong and Yu Xiaogang in that Simulation? Sisters, or something else? Su Ming felt as though filthy thoughts were creeping into his head.
"No, no. If I keep thinking about it, I'll be filthy too." Su Ming pushed those thoughts aside. He had done nearly everything he needed to today, and he still had one Simulation left. Now was as good a time as any.
The system panel appeared. Su Ming gave it a quick glance.
[Host: Su Ming] [Martial Soul: Wind Spirit/Wind Elf] [Foundation: Current 395%] [Soul Power: Level 10] [Simulation begins. Foundation reduced by 1 point. Remaining: 394%.] [Simulation, day zero: You sit on your bed and consider your next move. You have no plans to contact Dugu Bo for now. Because your Martial Soul evolved, you have become a lowly Soul Scholar again.] [After some thought, you decide to travel to an unknown place.] [You do not know where you are going. You simply follow the emptiness in your heart toward some distant goal.] [One month later, you and Ah Yin, now in a normal flowerpot, settle in a small town outside the Far North.] [You feel the emptiness in your heart fading, but something powerfully alluring is drawing you onward, urging you to reach it.] [You do not set out immediately. Instead, after stabilizing your Soul Scholar cultivation, you take Ah Yin to the Blue Silver Forest. The Far North is no place for her. You do not know how long this journey will take, and if Ah Yin freezes to death, you suspect Su Wu will leap out of his grave to curse you.] [Three months later, you finish settling Ah Yin in and return to the Far North.] [Ah Yin hates to see you leave. Afterward, she cannot sleep or eat well and spends every day longing for your return.] [Simulation, year one: Your cultivation reaches Soul Grandmaster. You roam the Far North, searching for whatever is drawing you there.] [You search for a long time, crossing paths with countless Soul Beasts tens of thousands of years old, and even some hundred-thousand-year-old ones.] [To your surprise, none of them attack you. Once they determine you pose no threat, they simply ignore you.] [You do not understand why, but you pay it little mind and continue onward.] [At last, after traveling for who knows how long, you find the source of the aura drawing you in. It is a woman—a beautiful woman—standing atop a gigantic scorpion.] [The sight makes you think of the Snow Empress and the Ice Empress. You suspect these are the two in question, but you cannot understand why the pull vanished when you reached them.] [You had expected some rare natural treasure to be drawing you in, not two Soul Beasts that could crush you without effort.] [You try to run, but the Snow Empress catches you in an embrace. Your face gets an intimate introduction to her enormous chest.] [The sight makes the Ice Empress want to bite you to death.] ["You are one of my kind. Why, then, are you human?" the Snow Empress asks. She can sense that you are not so different from her. You are both spirits born of heaven and earth: she is a spirit of ice and snow, while you are a spirit of wind.] ["Uh... Could you let me breathe? There's too much cushioning." Though you can still breathe with your face pressed against her chest, you find the situation unbearably embarrassing. The Ice Empress's stare prickles at your back, too.] [She lets you go, and you start making things up. You claim you are a Soul Beast who took human form but lost your memory, then ramble on at length.] [After spending some time together, you gain the Snow Empress as a bodyguard and the Ice Empress as someone who is constantly on guard against you.] [You feel comfortable with the Snow Empress. The emptiness in your heart is gone, and you suspect it is because the two of you are the same kind.] [After all, as far as you know, in the tens of thousands of years of Douluo Continent's history, no spirit other than the Snow Empress, a Snow Spirit, has ever been born.] [Spirits are nourishing treasures by nature. They offer tremendous benefits to Soul Beasts of the corresponding attribute. Even when their attributes differ, a Soul Beast that devours a spirit will likely gain another attribute and greatly strengthen its foundations.]
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